I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
