i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
