dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
People in love make me want to vomit
can u get pink eye on your cock?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
