dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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