if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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