You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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