How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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