New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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