thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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