he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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