C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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