Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
