fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
