Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
