I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
