Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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