hotel room ftw
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
