Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize