you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
