what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
