She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
