babies were throwing up all over the place
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
