Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
