So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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