I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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