I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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