it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
