i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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