i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
