It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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