What did we do last night that was yellow?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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