Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
