Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
