I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
