I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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