how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize