Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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