I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
