My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
