mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
