From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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