We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
