omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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