she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
