whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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