They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
