I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
