There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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