I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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