The maid of honor just puked.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize