i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
