Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
