I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
