you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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