What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
