So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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