she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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