I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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