Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
