Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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