why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
