I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
