Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
