haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
