ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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