When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Operation Purity has been aborted
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
