It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
