you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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