My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He better not be in your backpack
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
