Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
