how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
