Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
