ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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