Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
